What is something you have learned lately?

Wow,what a question!

In July of the previous year,while we where at a Five Below, I put my pride on the side and asked my cousin if she could buy me the 300 writing prompts by Picadilly Inc. As soon as I laid my eyes on the jewel,I saw myself in a cabin somewhere far,very far,in a forest,on the wooden  floor in front of the small fireplace, a mug of hot chocolate next to my feet, writing… Oh, and why not, a cute guy? I know I would enjoy his presence. Haha!… Okay, back to the main point.

She actually bought it for me . And I will be forever grateful,this journal is so cute,interesting,and entertaining. Some questions bring back memories I didn’t think I had,some questions make me discover parts of my personality I didn’t know existed. It’s amazing!

So ,one day, the question I had to answer was ” What is something you have learned lately?” I had to think a lot before answering to this. I learned many things lately,but I thought of the comportment a certain person had… And the comportment of that same person later on. And the word came… I thought Pretenders. I saw it written in red neon lights. Pretenders, She, He, Them, Us…

I’ve learned about pretenders.

You know,people who seem so fearless,so invincible, but who have so many insecurities. I know,we all have insecurities and living with them is not an easy task,especially in a judgment based society. We also have fears that we must learn to control. But sometimes we take it far,very far.

Even if we spend the day hiding our feelings, lying to others but also to ourselves about how strong we are, how we don’t take s~~~ from nobody, how he or she is afraid of us ( I honestly think people are so funny and delusional when they are convinced that a person is afraid of them just because they act like they can do whatever they want) ,  how we know everything, how bold we are. Even if we spend hours telling people how fierce we are because for five minutes we proved someone that they cannot mess with us because we “don’t play”. We prove how smart we are because we did some research; we say that we are “savage” just so others can behave around us. We try to think that we don’t need anyone because we did this or that by ourselves when no one was there, at the end of the day, most of us drown in anxiety,stress and pressure,we feel bad because of the way we treated someone (we just won’t admit it), we still have a lot to learn because intelligence is not only based on A’s and B’s, we ask ourselves if we didn’t take the respect of another for us as a fear,and we realize that once in a while, even everyday ,we need a hand,we need another human being…

We raise our voices,get mad,we put an attitude on and convince ourselves that “they know not to play with us” while the other person is laughing at us in their head or simply doesn’t care…

Don’t get me wrong, I know some of us have a short temper, I know that some lessons from life can leave us with scars that take time to heal and,in order to protect ourselves,we put that mask on and try to build a wall around our hearts, I know some people can test our patience and make us act inhuman but it is not the answer. To those who were “born this way” try to make an effort and see how you can change yourself and those around you for the best. To those who are pure pretenders,and eventually suffer when the cape falls at night or anytime during the day it won’t benefit you at all,it will just make you overthink and ruin your mental health because we don’t pretend justifiably. We pretend to impress…

-A.

 

 

 

 

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